For anyone who hasn't seen the movie The Aristocrats go rent it. It is a documentary on a joke that is well known throughout the comic community. The joke consists of only the opening and the punch-line. The middle of the joke allows the teller to create what usually becomes the most disgusting acts his warped mind can conceive. After watching the movie I had to come up with my own version of the joke. Here it is. A warning this is vile, horrific and wrong in every sense of the word. Enjoy.
A man walks into a talent agent with an idea for a show. He describes it as a family show with his pregnant wife his son daughter and even the family dog. The agent is hesitant but asks the man to proceed. “Ok” he starts:
“The show opens with my wife alone on the stage lit by a spotlight, cradling her pregnant belly singing quietly to our new child. A second spotlight illuminates my young daughter brushing the hair of her doll and singing the same song and she and her mother’s beautiful voices meet in a moving chorus. Another light shows my son quietly drawing. As the song draws to a close I enter holding a bottle of whiskey which I drink. After the bottle is empty I walk over to my wife and shove the bottle up her as and really start to give it to he back and forth until it creates a vacuum. I then yank the bottle out of her ass which collapses her anus at takes some intestine out with it I keep pulling until there in a good three or four feet of entrails hanging out of her rectum. My son then stands up from his drawing and starts blowing me. After a while I break the bottle over his head and use the glass to stab a hole in my daughters stomach which I then begin to fuck until she vomits. At about this point the family dog Sparky comes on stage and grabs the pink sock hanging out of my wife’s ass and plays a game of tug-o-war. Mean while my unconscious son lies bleeding and looses control of his bowels defecating all over the stage. My daughter starts jacking off the dog into the puddle of blood and shit and vomit. I grab a hanger and fish the unborn fetus out of my wife’s womb Poke a hole in its tender skull and begin to fuck it in the head. When I come blood, embryonic fluids, undeveloped brain matter and jiz begin to spill out of the eye sockets into the puddle of fluids already surrounding my son. As I pull my member out of the skull my wife licks my cock clean as I anally fist my young daughter and stomp the fetus into the ever growing pool of fluid which is now being saturated with my wife and daughters collective tears. When the time is right the whole family, minus the boy who is barley clinging to life, get down on all fours and lick the stage clean. We take a bow as the curtains close.”
The agent sits in shock and finally asks, “What do you call such a thing?”
The man replies confidently “The Aristocrats”
