Holiday Party

On Monday TheBar had a Holiday Party, I was invited as I work there on occasion and am good friends with several of the employees. There really isn’t a whole story here but I felt the need to share a few highlights form the evening.

The first part of the party was at the Bulls game, while there I noticed a kid with a giant foam cowboy hat with horns. I decided my hat was not hilarious enough and I wanted his. I offered to purchase it from him and he demanded something outrageous like $20. I told him instead I would buy him some beer, luckily he declined. He was like 13 and I imagine I would have gotten into some trouble for that. It was also at this point I noticed his sister had a similar hat when I pointed this out to one of my buddies he said “Cam, if you go hit on a 15 year-old and steal her hat I don’t think we can hang out anymore.”

On the bus on the way back I realized I had to take a leak. I attempted to go out the window but that didn’t work very well so I grabbed a bottle and tried to relieve myself into it. I more just pissed all over the seats and the floor, threw the bottle out the window wiped my hands on my buddy Mike and then tackled him.

We had the bus drop us off at a bar despite the fact I no longer had any business being out in public. While at the bar I thought I was hitting on a chick. She asked me to write my number on a napkin I did and she asked if she could borrow my phone. She then called her internet boyfriend, in Tennessee, whom she has never met in person at a bar, on my fucking phone. During this conversation, which lasted 56 minutes according to my call log, he purchased her a plane ticket to come see him. I used this 56 minutes to hit on her friend, much more successfully.

I met another chick with whom for some reason I got into an argument about the Pythagorean Theorem. No, I don’t know why or how that happened. She claimed that the sum of the squares of the sides of a right triangle were greater than the square of the hypotenuse. I politely corrected her and after an exhaustive explanation, she completely abandoned her argument and claimed that she had agreed with me the whole time. I accused her of being a spineless flip-floper and suggested a career in politics. She got up to leave and I suddenly noticed, she had an incredible body. Damnit.

On my way home I met an Ecuadorian named Juan with whom I spoke in broken Spanish. He gave me one of his Coronas.