Feels like blogging

It's funny sometimes thinking all back. When I was a child (I'm talking about teenager - the age of rebellion), I always tried to disprove what people believed in me. For example, people saw me as a shy girl, who was pretty passive (by this adjective I mean someone who just talks to people who start the conversation first). I knew I was a shy girl. I also knew that other people saw this kind of person as pathetic one. Couples of years after that, I was trying so hard to change. From an introvert to a complete extrovert. Many of my efforts were: attending as many events and parties as possible, make a lot of friends, and make a lot of .. more friends. I did pay a lot of hard work in keeping these relationships too. And yes, a big bright smile, which appeared on my face all the time, helped a lot.

I had a lot of fun then. I mean if you are surrounded by a lot of people, laughter, jokes, how could you be sad ?
But if I turn this statement all around, its logic is the reason I started to realize the whole thing was simply bullshit:
"If you are sad, there's no more people, laughter, or jokes around"

And it's once killing me the whole time. Then I realized, I need more than that, more than just the surface of those relationships. I need real soulmates. I need real intimacy among people. I need sincerity. I dont want the fling, I want the real deal.

Being an introvert or extrovert is never a big deal. It's just a way of life. Success lies on those people know how to utilize what they have. Many great people I've met are introverts and they're really really cool. They're interesting, charming, attractive even when they do nothing. What they say can make people think a lot, which helps the conversation never get bored or dead-end. To me, they are wonderland that need to be discovered.

Now, about those efforts I tried to make back then to change myself.
I attended many events, parties. Then what? Showing my fake emotions to other people and trying to blend in some so-called groups so they think I'm not some kind of freaky lonely creature.
I made a lot of friends. Then what? Telling everything about my own life and receiving the plain and tasteless comments that successfully cover their "Like I care" look

"What's the point of everything?", I kept asking this for a really long time, trying to find what my problem was. Then to my surprise, the answer I came up with was really simple. Here comes the theory: A certain and few people in this world, scattered around the globe, are waiting to show up to their match . People should find them out and tell them how hard it is to go this far to run into them. Focus on them, don't be distracted by others. Like Steve Jobs points out "As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it". Finding your soulmates is absolutely a huge matter of heart, as one of them may become your life-partner for the rest of the time.

So, never go against your instinct and if you finally find out your true soulmate, don't hesitate any second to tell that person how you feel. I know it sounds like a cliché but you have to follow it. I already found out my soulmate and I havent told that person yet. I know how terrifyingly regrets can torture me.